I didn't read the last chapter first, I started from the beginning. I knew it was an LDS book, but I wasn't prepared for just how much of an LDS book it was. Almost every paragraph had something to do with the Church's teachings and doctrine. Not only that, but this book is from a Utah woman's perspective, so not only is it pretty much just for American women, but her examples apply largely to Utah Mormons (for instance, the guilt she felt for not attending the temple regularly when there were many of them readily available to her). But I did find a few things here and there that I felt like I could identify with as a non-religious woman, and so about 30 pages in I decided to start from the beginning again and this time make note of the things that could apply to all women in our culture, regardless of religious beliefs or the lack thereof. Unfortunately there are only a handful of things in the 111-page book; I'll type out the quotes here.
1) "The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined. ... We have enough greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we need more virtue. We have enough popularity; we need more purity." (p. 2-3)
2) The next quote covers an entire page, so I won't quote it. But basically it talks about the prevalence of makeovers in our culture, whether it's personal makeovers or house makeovers, and that we would be much better served making over our inner selves rather than just focusing on outer appearances. (p. 21-22)
3) "TRUTH #1 [about beauty]: THERE IS NO SINGLE STANDARD FOR PHYSICAL BEAUTY. The definition of physical beauty is so subjective that every culture, even every individual, has their own ideas about the physical ideal. So when we spend enormous amounts of time and money on beauty products and procedures, exactly who are we trying to please? American pop culture is fixated on skinny females, yet many other cultures prefer women with a bit more meat on their bones. The fact that different cultures disagree about the ideal skin color and body type is proof that there isn't one true standard for physical beauty." (p. 30)
4) The next passage is long, but it's too good not to quote the whole thing. This is actually the author quoting a woman named Anne Morrow Lindbergh.
"We Americans, with our terrific emphasis on youth . . . tend to belittle the afternoon of life and even to pretend it never comes. We push the clock back and try to prolong the morning, overreaching and overstraining ourselves in the unnatural effort. . . . In our breathless attempts, we often miss the flowering that waits for afternoon.
"For is it not possible that middle age can be looked upon as a period of second flowering, second growth, even a kind of second adolescence? It is true that society in general does not help one accept this interpretation of the second half of life. And therefore this period of expanding is often tragically misunderstood.
"Many people never climb above the plateau of forty-to-fifty. The signs that presage growth, so similar, it seems to me, to those in early adolescence: discontent, restlessness, doubt, despair, longing, are interpreted falsely as signs of decay. In youth one does not as often misinterpret the signs; one accepts them quite rightly, as growing pains. One takes them seriously, listens to them, follows where they lead.
"But in middle age, because of the false assumption that it is a period of decline, one interprets these life-signs paradoxically, as signs of approaching death. . . . Anything, rather than stand still and learn from them. One tries to cure the signs of growth, to exorcise them, as if they were devils, when really they might be angels of annunciation . . . of a new stage of living." (p. 33)5) "I've yet to meet the woman, no matter how attractive, who appreciates another female parading sexy dress or attitudes around her husband, fiancé, boyfriend, brothers, nephews, or sons. While we're being completely honest here, let's not forget that no self-respecting husband, fiancé, or boyfriend wants their significant other intentionally turning another man's head. Any woman purposely seeking another man's attention in order to make her husband jealous is playing a very dangerous game." (p. 40)
6) "The way we dress and act sends definite signals to those around us. 'What you put on your body "talks", and everyone who sees you "hears" what you are saying.'" (p. 41)
7) "Who am I trying to impress by the way I dress? What kind of signals am I trying to send to the people around me?" (p. 46)
8) The next part is too long to quote again, but she's recalling the episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation called "The Game" (she doesn't name the show specifically but that's what it is, and I know because I saw the same episode and had the same unnerving feeling when I watched it). In the episode, the crew gets hooked on a game and they neglect all else in order to play it, and it turns out it was planted by a race of people who wanted to take over the ship while everyone was too addicted to the game to notice or stop them. She brought up that episode because many years later she was in line with her family at a crowded movie theater, and she recalled that Star Trek episode when she saw "fully 75 percent of the people were talking on cell phones, texting, playing games, listening to music, e-mailing, or viewing images on their phones. Most surprising to me was the number of young children with gaming devices. For such a large crowd, there was relatively little social interaction." (p. 61-62)
9) Another long quote, but this one is a story she's quoting about digital distractions. A man and woman go into a diner and he spends the whole time talking on his cell phone, leaving the woman to just sit there and eat. And near the end, she writes, "But consider what was lost. . . . There was likely a time when the couple at the diner counted down the hours between meals together. But that enthusiasm for the other's undivided and deserved attention had cooled—a victim of life's minutia and, on this day, a single cell phone call. One thing is certain: a busy man passed on an opportunity to enjoy a few quiet moments with his mate." (p. 63)
10) This next quote covers two pages, so I'll summarize. Blogging can be a great way to keep in touch with family and friends and to share parts of our lives with them, but too much time reading others' blogs (or writing our own) can take time away from our children, our spouse, and our household duties. Make sure your children do not have unrestricted access to social media, cell phones, and the Internet in general until they are old enough to use them responsibly. (p. 64-65)
11) "If we feel the need to hide our actions from family and respected friends, there is a problem. Period." (p. 66)
12) "Much of what we do with our time will be dictated by the seasons of our lives. For instance, a mother raising young children will, of necessity, spend countless hours feeding, bathing, changing diapers for, doing laundry for, cleaning up after, entertaining, and teaching her children. There will be countless trips to the doctor and dentist, the grocery store and school. Without a doubt there will be long hours in the night, rocking babies and caring for sick children, comforting little ones who had a nightmare, and changing the sheets of a bed wetter. Many of these tasks seem menial, unfulfilling, and even downright unpleasant—but if it is our 'season' to raise children, these activities can qualify for the best uses of our time. We need to be certain that all of our activities—whether related to work or leisure—are at least classified in the 'good' category [referring to good things being categorized into "good", "better", or "best" groups]." (p. 83)
13) "The word mother is not only a noun but also a verb, meaning 'to watch over, nourish, and protect.' Many women come to motherhood in less traditional ways than bearing and raising children. Those who teach children in schools and at church, those to take a lonely teenager under their wing, those who model modesty and excellence and who watch over their neighbors---they are mothers indeed." Then she goes on to talk about some of the challenges of motherhood because "a significant portion of the trials we experience in this life center around our families and motherhood." (p. 89-90). It's nice to read that motherhood is not easy no matter how it has turned out for us, and that I needn't feel alone in my personal trials as a mother.
14) "The world would tell me that pregnancy will change my figure. No kidding. But must I be ashamed of the stretch marks that formed as my body made room to carry my beautiful babies? Would I really trade my children for a firmer tummy?" (p. 91)
15) "Motherhood can seem unrewarding if we're used to measuring progress on a daily basis or expecting kudos for a job well done. Our little ones don't generally compliment us on the way we fixed the macaroni and cheese or notice our impressive skills when we're juggling car seats, diaper bags, groceries, and uncooperative offspring simultaneously. Perhaps the most frustrating realization of motherhood is that you can't close up shop each night, putting thoughts of work out of mind until it's time to clock in the next morning. Truly, a mother's work is never done. It's also difficult to feel we have skills and talents that seem to be set aside for a season. . . . I remember how frustrating it is to feel like you have no outlet for your talents—at least not in the way you've used them before. . . . What I know now that I didn't understand in the middle of the diaper years was that every time I put my children first I was learning patience and unselfishness." (p. 96)
16) "'I know that your quest to improve may seem overwhelming at times. Please do not become discouraged with your progress. I think back on my experience hiking with my children. We agreed that every time we stopped to catch our breath, rather than focusing exclusively on how much farther we needed to go, we would immediately turn around and look down the mountain. We would take in the scenery and say to each other, "Look how far we've come." Then we would take a deep breath, quickly turn, face uphill, and start climbing again one step at a time.' Allowing ourselves the small victory phrase 'look how far we've come' is a healthy way of acknowledging our progress, no matter how small, and strengthening our belief that we can ... scale the next slope of our current mountain." (p. 110)
That's it. Those are the things I found out of the whole book that can apply to all women in our culture. There is a lot about the LDS church that is bad, but there are still a few things that are good. This book is mostly LDS-centered, and I will admit that it was hard getting through the heavily LDS parts (so, most of it), but there were a few good things in it that I could identify with and use in my own life.
Nothing in it was life-changing, and so if I was given the chance to read it again or recommend it to someone, I wouldn't do it. But it was nice of my mom to think of me, and I'm glad she cares.
No comments:
Post a Comment